This was a real ‘nutty professor’ we had for Chemistry. This was a subject I just couldn’t get to grips with, so it will come as a great surprise to learn that this was a subject my Mum was qualified to teach.

My recollection of actual lessons was that some of us would take advantage of the fact that the Chemistry Lab door was at the back, hidden from the front by the huge benches. This made it easy to sneak out to get a bottle of milk before it got too hot in the sun, and sneak back in again without being noticed.

Another favourite trick was, when the Bunsen burners were in use, to blow down the gas pipe, and watch as, one by one, all the lit Bunsen burners would go out. I recall that on one occasion we had a complaint from the Physics Lab that their burners had gone out as well.

Richard Dawes:

Polly's Gas Attack

Polly demonstrated making Sulphur Dioxide gas in the lab by heating copper metal with sulphuric acid and manganese dioxide as the catalyst. The apparatus was assembled on his bench, the chemical formulae and reaction equation drawn on the blackboard. Polly lit the gas, the class waited, and waited and waited....

Ten minutes later still no reaction, so Polly added more copper, still no reaction so more acid. He repeatedly added more of each ingredient to no avail; until suddenly it kicked in. Instead of a gentle bubbling, because the flask was nearly full by now, a great foaming reaction took place and clouds of poisonous gas filled the room forcing us to retreat to the playground. I remember one lad (Johnny Avery or Terry Garland) being sent home because it triggered an asthma attack. I presume Kingy would have held an inquest on the disaster, but I never heard of its findings.

Mike Lewis:

Nickname "Polly" because of his beaky nose. Chemistry teacher who couldn't control the class. At one lesson where we we were completely out of control, he mistakenly played the sympathy card and divulged that his son was seriously ill in hospital and was in an oxygen tent. To which Dave Mason made the comment: "He can't be too bad if he's gone camping." It was hilarious at the time.

And the absolute classic - "Every time I open my mouth some fool speaks." Thanks to Colin Stuart for reminding me that it was Polly and not Gage that came up with this gem.

Colin Stuart:

Polly’s Fireworks

One of the many accurate recollections from my old friend Ken (Ben) Tipple is the Chemistry Lab antics of Polly and his helper Ahmet. (an Arabian Lab assistant). First the theory of today’s experiment had to be explained. Polly would take the famous stick of chalk which was always in his jacket pocket (hence the white marks on either side of his nose), and begin the complicated formulas on his revolving blackboard. The other side of the revolving blackboard usually had the complicated and highly advanced formulas that Polly had previously prepared, and was to be taught to the sixth form set later that day. On one occasion, Dave Mason distracted Polly for a second and Lenny Ladd disappeared behind the revolving blackboard and proceeded to erase the formulas that were hidden from view. On discovery, Ladd was dismissed from the Lab amid uproar and Polly exploded with ”GET OUT STUBBS!” Stubbs was the author of a chemistry text book which always had to be read in silence following bad behaviour. Unfortunately my name (Stuart) had the same first three letters as the author’s. This meant that Stubbs also became my nickname. So as soon as Polly shouted “Get out Stubbs, I would get up and start to walk toward the door, only to be roughly handled back again by the now fuming Polly. As soon as we were settled, Polly would mellow and the experiment would recommence. Hydrogen was to be reproduced by electrolysis of water, (or words to that effect!). Everyone was ordered to the back of the Lab, Ahmet retreated having placed everything within reach, and Polly with lighted taper held shakily over the test tube would yell “GET DOWN”. As we peered from under the tables with our hands covering our ears the test tube could clearly be heard to emit a dull “Phut!” – More uproar – more “Stubbs”. As the lesson finally drew to a close, Polly would look at his watch and yell “BUNSENS OUT!” This was everybody’s cue to throw the previously concealed iron filings into the Bunsen Burners and sing “Light up the sky with Polly’s fireworks” and with Geoff Yates going “Wheeeeeeeee!!; the whole scene would dissolve into utter chaos!

P.S. Tony Potter has just reminded me that, just at the point of the anti-climatic explosion, Dave Mason would shout out "WHERE'S THE MUSHROOM?”

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